Whose dime am I on?

This week has been up and down... and some days I just wanna come home and have some "me" time.  Make some dinner... watch a good cop show, or listen to some great musical performances, surf the web... and just chill.

One of the very present themes in my life this year is "redeeming the time".  I've struggled to truly listen and be obedient to the Lord in this area when He asks for my time.  I struggle to know where the balance is... when it is ok to hang out and watch a movie... or when is it ok to just do stuff "for fun" ... whether by yourself or with friends.  Am I never supposed to have fun, or enjoy life?  Is it God's intention that I remain so serious?

I've brought this question before the Lord...

I sometimes struggle to gain an answer when I think about those who are suffering and losing their lives for the sake of Christ just across the ocean.  What fun is the preacher who is stuck in the prison cell having? Why is it ok for me for mess around on my computer for so long doing nothing... and do all this stuff ..just for the sake of fun and enjoyment?? So many who are following the Lord around the world wouldn't think so much about getting so excited for the next episode of Castle, or the 50% off sale at Express ... because their life is around Christ, and these things are not important to them.

But then there's the other side of the coin that says... "lighten up, you're too serious, it's ok to joke around a little bit"
...I grew up knowing sarcasm and joking around.  I know how to joke around and I know how to have a good time, and enjoy a lot of laughs with close friends.

But I guess the question remains... Can I enjoy these things, and still redeem the time?

I find such a simple answer from the Lord.
      Listen to Me, and walk before Me with an obedient heart.  

I've seen so many Christians swing to one side or the other... Either incredibly serious or incredibly loose.  Funny how often times it swings on both sides even in one family.  I think I've been on both sides over the course of my life.

What is serious is that our Lord Jesus came and took our place, and paid the price for our very life.  That we might no longer live to ourselves, but to God (Romans 6:10).  And, "I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galations 2:20).

I do believe our Lord wants us to experience fun and laughter, and incredible times full of joy and wonder.  But at the same time...I need to recognize that this life is not my own.  My loving Father paid the price for me, that I might enter the joy of His kingdom, that I might know the riches of the inheritance of Christ (Ephesians 1:18).  But when I answer His call, I also recognize that I am going to lean on HIS understanding in all things.  And that means I need to LISTEN to His voice, and walk in the way that He prepares for me.
We can't look to another's experience and say, "they have no joy in their life, why is the Lord allowing me to have joy in mine?"  or "I feel like the cross is soo heavy on me, why does Suzy sunday have the perfect life, and relationship with God and supportive family?"  At the end of the book of John, the Lord asked Peter to not consider what He had in store for John, but to just "follow Me".  And we are called to not look at the experiences of others to gauge our walk with the Lord... but to look always unto the Lord himself.  What is He asking of you and me THIS DAY?  Are we listening?  Are we following?

So I've come to realize that there is no hard and fast rule about how I spend my time alone and how I spend my time with friends be it with a church group or with coworkers... all time needs to be lived before God in honesty.  I need to choose to be consecrated, to be obedient, to be committed to my Lord.  He may lead me through times of incredible pleasure... and he may lead me through times where I need to bite the bullet and resist all the urges to do what I want to do because He said "No" this time... and there are times where He will lead me through serious pain.  It is not that I am seeking a lifestyle...but I am seeking my Lord & King, Jesus.  I do not choose to be lax about everything, nor do I choose to treat every case with all seriousness and legalism, but I LEARN the voice of my King, my Savior, my Friend, and I move as He moves.  Praise the Lord that we have such a privilege to be so close to Him, who is above all things, and to know His very heart & will!  ...and we may come to realize that for the heart that listens, there is so much more to discover, and we may find a greater calling and purpose awaits us.

Lord, would you keep your children close to You, that we would not stray and follow our own way, but would learn to abide in You in all circumstances.  Show us more of Yourself that we might know You more, and know when You say "Go" and when You say "Stay" and when You say "Just pray". We trust in Your strength to keep us, for we are weak. May our time be redeemed and be used to glorify Your Name, in Jesus' Name.  

In Your Arms.

I read 1 Kings 17-19 this evening for my Bible reading plan this evening.  I had heard this song earlier on Pandora. It just touched reality in my heart right now.  And the reading was the story of Elijah ... and when the Lord was not in the rushing wind or the storm... but it was in the whisper. Am I quiet before Him?   Am I listening?  "Speak, oh Lord, for your servant is listening" -1 Samual 3:10.

"There's no other place for me than right where You are" -Meredith Andrews

Committed

...A word I have been recently challenged with.

Dictionary.com has given this insight...
COMMITTED:
1. to give in trust or charge; consign.
2. to consign for preservation
3. to pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question
4. to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge
5. to entrust, especially for safekeeping; commend

America notoriously has commitment issues.  We change our beliefs all the time, we get married, then divorced then married again.  We follow the media from right to wrong and don't have any one true conviction but just tend to go with what's popular.  What are we committed to?  Are we committed to anything but comfort, pleasure and self preservation?

I've had a little time to think over this in the last couple weeks, and I've found that my commitment to the Lord, it wavers.  One day I'm gung ho... I will fight with You to the end!! and the next day, I feel as though my flesh cannot help but fail.

But as I've meditated on this word, and as we can see in the definitions given above... I've found that commitment is indeed a decision that we make:  a choice that we make every day, every moment.  Am I fully committed unto the Lord?  What would that look like?  What would that mean for me?

It means my utter loyalty is unto Him alone.  His Word is above all else.  It means when He speaks, I listen and obey.  It means I have decided to let Him have all of me.
Practically ... When I wake up with a smile on my face and a revived heart I commit myself unto Him for the day, I turn my ear to Him, and listen for His leading.  And on the day when my strength fails, I commit myself to Him, and trust that He will be my strength.
When my flesh is just crying for what is easy in the moment, whether it be to come back at someone who said something unkind, or to just want to watch TV for hours after a tough day at work... or the temptation of committing ourselves to other things like fashion, food, or even family over the Lord.  When our flesh longs for what is easy... that it when we need to choose once again where our commitment lies.

"Then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve" -Joshua 24:15

**Note that if our choice is to serve the Lord, as Joshua and his household, then the Lord will strengthen us for the task at hand.  We do not need to trust in our own strength!**
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BUT, there is a secret to commitment.  Commitment is not just something we do because our religion tells us to commit ourselves to the Lord.  Yes, we should commit ourselves to the Lord.
But what makes us want to commit ourselves to Him?
Does He not first constrain us with His love?

Mary Magdalene was one who was fully devoted and committed to the Lord even following his resurrection.  But she was committed unto Him because she knew first hand how very precious the love, forgiveness, and redemption that was bestowed upon her, free of charge.  And she was a great sinner, who had been overcome by 7, yes 7 demons... before the love and power and forgiveness of the Lord freed her.

Have we been caught by this Love that will constrain us to commit to the Lord with our whole being?
Have we really known the Lord's love?  Have we known His redemption?  His freeing power?  His unconditional forgiveness?
Oh may the Lord reveal His love to us more and more, that we might be constrained!

If we have tasted this great love, is it not natural for us to commit ourselves unto Him, and to His beautiful and wonderful and glorious will?!  Let us not forget the greatness of the Love that has been shown to us!

Let us be fully committed to the One who first loved us.

let them see You...

too many times in the last few weeks have I let my mouth run before I actually thought about what I was going to say.  I let my reaction happen before I let Christ reign in me.
It left me with a lot of regret... and feelings of just helplessness in my own tendencies to be lead by sin & my old self.  I had prayed recently that the Lord would open the eyes of my heart... and I had asked him to humble me so that I would be useful to Him.  Both He accomplished.  I saw the depth of me.  & I saw my true condition before the perfect almighty King....
                                                                     ...and it was ugly.
I am truly just a sinner.  Only prone to sin... only prone to serve self.
I once again tried to claim the rights to my life... but it is not my life.. it was bought with a price.  Thank the Lord!

So once again I'm learning to yield "my" rights ... and say have Your way.   Help me get out of the way... may You alone be exalted.  May this world see You alone through me.

pray

thoughts from last week...


After a crazy busy week last week... & with everything going on in this nation & the world right now.  I have been reminded what is most important... & that is prayer.

Is it not obvious that there is much shaking going on in this world right now?
...I do hope and pray that we would wake up and smell reality.  Is not God allowing all of this that we might turn again, America?  What happened to the nation that was blessed and prosperous and free?  We have turned to anger, division, violence, blatant selfishness and blaming.  ...Has anyone ever wondered if it was because we've forgotten why were blessed in the first place?  Because GOD BLESSED America & we believed it was God's hand.  ...but now we "bless" ourselves, and leave God out of it... and corruption runs rampant.

Oh America, turn again!  Our God is loving and kind and always takes us back!  Seek Him in times of trouble!  Rest in His bosom, trust in His strength! & pray, yes pray with all your heart!  He is listening, and longs to hear from you!

May God draw us near to Himself once again and restore His testimony and His promise in this nation once again.  He is our protector, if only we would regard Him & listen and obey Him.  Oh how we need Him!


remember this verse..
"O, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it!  How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!" -Matthew 23:37

...could we not change this out to say "O America, America..."

May we turn again, to the God who has given us all that is good and remember His promises and His faithfulness.  May we turn away from wickedness, self-righteousness, and humble ourselves and pray that this land may be healed.

Ever have one of those days where you get to a point where you can no longer keep your eyes open, and it feels like you have nothing left in you to pull through for the next however many hours you have to go?   ....and then be miraculously given strength and peace, and joy in going above and beyond giving what was needed?
Today was one of those days, and it was so evident by the end of shift that it had been God's grace all along.   He is good & his steadfast love endures forever.


...in the last month... it's like God has been bringing all these puzzle piece together.  little experiences that make His life so much more real.  I've tried for so long... questioned for so long why God has had to bring so many things into my life... questioning why so many times i've felt "misled" by signs or experiences I had felt were from the Lord.  Questioning why God had let things happen that were seemingly "unfair"...always fighting with God... telling him that His will just didn't make sense... it just didn't seem to fit right... and work out right.  God if you lead me down this path with all this... why are you not following through?  I thought your will was always good?!  why do I feel so confused... so conflicted... where is the peace from walking in your will?  Where is the light that was supposed to open up the way by now?

...little did I know, that all the seemingly "dead ends" and "unfair" circumstances had much more meaning to the Lord than I could have imagined.  Oh how he knows what we need.  I've had to have my expectations squashed many a time throughout my life... and my plans fall through time after time... but I believe I'm finally learning to say "Have Your Way" and actually mean it.  If His way is to build me up and then tear me down... so be it... I know that no matter what He has in store for me, it is a blessing because it is HE who is the one who is leading, and He loves me more than I could ever know & I have Him through it all, as my dearest friend.  

Submission, Victory, Surrender, Conceding, Joy, Peace  ...
   ...words that have become so much more real to me lately.  How I praise my Lord!    :)

the song playing in my car on the way home from work was called "When God Ran" sung by Phillips, Craig, & Dean.  Shows the love of our great & wonderful Father.

His will

...As I was sitting down today with my knee wrapped in an ice cold towel, waiting for my eve "routine" of my knee therapy to be over, I pondered before the Lord... no matter if i use ice or heat, or do PT or take meds or what have you... this meniscus tear will only heal if the Lord is willing.  There's a chance I may need surgery, but at this point... it's all up to the Lord, I can only follow his commands. 

The freedom that comes with knowing the the Lord's Will will happen... is so precious. 

When I first got injured, I was so frustrated that all of the things I had worked towards to have a great year of snowboarding, and all the purchases I made, and the free season's passes I received and the different types of contacts i tried for better vision on the slopes... all got washed down the drain.  So many little frustrations...and like I mentioned before in a previous post... the Lord knew how to push my buttons.  He knew what little comforts...and what things still held me in chains.  

"The heart of a man plans his ways, but the LORD establishes his steps" -Proverbs 16:9

it's as if the Lord were asking me... will you let Me accomplish My Will in your life?  or are you going to keep fighting for your own way? 

But the Lord always knows how to pull the rug from under us, and wake us up.  ...usually by knocking us down.  

...i knew that all these little mishaps had the Lord's Name written all over it & so I sought Him out.  I waited before Him for real.  ...And I cam to realize that I hadn't really been listening to the Lord in a while.  I hadn't really been searching out His will.  And when I sought Him out...as He has always promised... 

I found Him. & I again experienced what it meant to have sweet fellowship with Him, to speak to Him as friend, even though He is my King.    

                                         ....and I tell ya.  It is better than snowboarding down crystal on a sunniest day with the fluffiest snow.  WAY better :).  It is living!  It is real!  And He is my Lord.  Where have I been?

...I saw a glimpse in the last couple days of a possible opportunity that the Lord may be giving me.  I don't know for certain yet...but it gave me a glimpse and a reminder that God is always good, and His will is ALWAYS for good.  Why do we feel like we need to figure out our own way?

He knows us.  He LOVES us. & He wants us to be near to Him.  & Why shouldn't He, when all is said & done...that is the best place for us.  

To know that His Will will work out in the end.... may we understand this in reality, and be willing to trust Him, ...by faith without doubting.  

now it is our job to pursue after this will of His with our whole heart ... to pursue after the Lord & His Kingdom & His Righteousness with our very lives.  

AND, to be in His will is to know peace, not even peace that the world would give, but HIS peace....Something I frequently forget as I try to find my own way.

May the Lord be our Help, our Ebenezer.... He is our Rock.  & His will is a stone that is eternal.  It does not waver nor disintegrate with the tides.   It is from everlasting to everlasting.  

May we walk in it without ever doubting. 

Praise be to our Lord!  He is seated on the throne! & He will bring all to completion according to His perfect will.  

my lips sing Hallelujah :).  

I am not offended with You.

Lately... there have been a lot of little discomforts that haven't taken me out per say, but have definitely been "annoyances", if you will.  Things that made me ask the Lord, why these bothersome things have been allowed, and what lesson He's trying to teach me through them.  

The thing is... these things don't seem serious enough to me to be considered a real "trial" or "hardship"... but they're enough to just bring a little discomfort enough to make me somewhat frustrated.  

I would have to say...  that the Lord knows how to push my buttons.  He certainly does.  He knows how to put the slightest discomfort in my life and the littlest frustration to shine light in to who I am without Him.  

It also shines light on how much I depend on the small comforts of life to keep me going.  

I recently read the story of Mimosa, a young Indian girl who heard very minimally of God's love when she was a child and then was brought back into a horrible life in Indian caste culture, and then taunted time after time again... because She continued to put her hope in this God she knew barely anything about.  But through trial after trial after trial, she worshiped this God, and the Holy Spirit taught her of Him.  And when she lost a child, or when her and her children were going without food, and her husband was ill... or when she had no income or when those around her insulted her in the worst ways, She would say to God... "I am not offended with You".  

There are times when i've been through real trials that tested my faith but I knew they drew me closer to the Lord... but it's the little things that sometimes can get me the most and make me most frustrated, asking God, why Lord have you allowed this?  It was really unnecessary... 

...funny though, that the Lord knows the truth: It is necessary, to shine light on the fact that I'm still dependent on these things for my pleasure, my contentment.  I have not yet learned to be content in all things.  But Oh, how great a teacher is our Lord.  whether or not the sun shines tomorrow, can I praise my Lord?  Even if my efforts in the matters of this world turn out to be in vain... can I say praise the Lord!

And it all these things, I have found... it makes me seek Him wisdom more... because I know it is far above my own.  

I was reading in Proverbs 2 today...

"My son, if you accept my words, and store of my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, --indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.  For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." -verses 1-6

No matter what comes my way, big trials or small annoyances to my flesh and my mind... can I truly say "Lord, I am not offended with You"?

Can I say, even in frustration and confusion... "Lord, teach me your wisdom" ?

May this be the reflection of my heart before the Lord.  

Emeli Sandé - Abide With Me

a precious gift, a precious song. thank the Lord.

Sacrifice.

"Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I tell you." Genesis 22:2

As I read through this chapter tonight, it seemed to be a call from the Lord to take that which I love to the alter on the mountain.  It seems almost cruel of the Lord to ask this of Abraham... especially since in his command he even addresses Isaac as the one whom he loves.  But the Lord had to test Abraham to see who had first place in his heart.  Isaac was Abraham's whole world... it's where the promise of God lay, Isaac was who determined Abraham's future.  Isaac was the beginning of a promise yet to be fulfilled... and yet the Lord asked Abraham to give up the promise, give up the future, give up the one whom God said would fulfill all these things... in order to show God that his heart was on the Lord, not on the blessings of the Lord.  This test of the Lord was a true test to show where Abraham's true love lied.

As I think about my own life.  I think about my love for my family, and my friends ... & all the people I care about.  I think about my love for little pleasures and my hope in a future.  I reflect once again on what things I let come before the Lord... & also what promises I feel the Lord has given me... clinging to those, instead of the Lord.
...today did I choose to watch TV or read the Word first?  Did my need to make it through the starbucks drive-thru cut down my morning devo time?  Do I spend more time thinking about the future... or being obedient to the Lord today?? ...knowing that the Lord may return when I am not expecting.

I feel there are a lot of things that need to be brought up to the alter on the mountain to be sacrificed.  I could guess at a lot of things that should go.  ...But the Lord asks for what we love the most.  Maybe not all of the things we bring up to the Alter get burned up... see Isaac was spared.  But that is up to the Lord... we must be willing to sacrifice that which is most precious to us.

"If anyone comes to me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:26  

...we often see this verse as such a hard one to swallow.  But if my love for my family got in the way of my love for the Lord, would I be willing to sacrifice them?  If my love for the city of Seattle got in the way of the Lord's will for me... could I say "Lead me Lord, I will go".  If I love to travel, and I desire to see the world... and dream about what the future might hold and what big calling the Lord might have for me.... and then the Lord says, sit, wait, be obedient to me now, in the little things.  Am I willing to sacrifice the longings and the loves of the soul/body, to satisfy the heart of my Lord?
                     ....Oh, but if we only knew that when we satisfy our Lord's heart, and give up the things to which our flesh clings, oh how free we are to be satisfied in a full way in the Lord!!
How free we are to walk in the will of the Lord, and not be burdened with our own weights, our future expectations, our love of the world, our guilt.

So may we come before the Lord and ask of Him what He would have us bring to that alter on the mountain in Moriah.  *note Moriah means "God is my teacher".  May we have teachable hearts... and submit to the school of Christ, letting Him deal with the many other loves/idols in our lives.  And be free to be Christ's.  

Goodnight friends.  :)

Clear the Stage

so much truth in this song...

lets clear the stage of our idols, return to our first Love, and let God have 1st place.