what kills me makes God stronger...

haha... my rendition of Kelly Clarkson's song... "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Seriously... what kills me makes God stronger.

...ever just reached a point of despair where you feel like you can't do it anymore?  Where you feel like you can't be strong anymore?
In different areas of my life, I feel like God has brought me here.  I've been trying to be strong and put on a good face, and convince myself that I would be ok.  But in reality, I do not feel ok a lot of the time.   Many times I feel like my strength is failing, my hope is wearing thin, my heart aches...and i'm just tired ..of putting up with the world, the struggles of the flesh, and just life in general.

and it's like God says.... FINALLY.   I've been waiting sooo long for you to finally get to this place... man you're a stubborn one.
...i always felt like i was a pretty passive one... but clearly the Lord knows our hearts, and how truly stubborn we can be when it comes to our own lives.

I was sharing with a sister a while back in regards to something that we have both been learning in this last year... that when we say "when we are weak, He is strong", and when it says "strength is made perfect in weakness" .... it's not that once we reach a point of weakness then God suddenly makes us strong.  It's that in that point of weakness, despite our lack of any sort of self-sufficiency...any goodness, or any strength... we say Lord I can't, You must.  ...note we don't get magically stronger, but God will still do it :).

Lets look at the whole of that verse...
   ..."But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I always like to interpret that... when I am weak, then I AM [is] strong.   :)

The thing is I could just be a sore sport sob story... and say i'm weak ... look at me, how wretched poor and blind I am, how much inability I have.  But the Lord does not ask us to do that... that would be remaining self-centered.  He asks us to look to Him.
... and when in our weakness, we look to Him to accomplish all that He is able to do.  Praise the Lord He is able to do, and does it!

... I don't say this because it is a concept in my head, ....but because it has become very real to me recently.  There was a day recently where I felt so weak and weary and felt unable to carry out my responsibility for that day, but the Lord reminded me to not trust in how I feel, but in the fact that He is able... and I tell you the truth...His grace was so incredibly real to me that day.  Praise be unto our King, who does much more than we can even ask or think.  He truly is victorious!
Now may we let Him be victorious over us. 

It is truly a lesson to learn to be content in every circumstance, one that I am still learning... but the Lord is starting to reveal bits of this secret... and I believe part of it has to do with abiding in His truth.  Learning to deny the feelings and convictions and understandings based on my own perception of reality, and lean on the truth, which is only found in Christ.  

May we "count it all joy" when we face trials... because He is conforming us to His image... and it is the will of the Father.  And this is a beautiful thing.  May we see with the eyes of Christ and know that our struggle is not in vain.  May we submit and let Christ have His way with us, that we might learn the contentment of being one with the Father's will, and learn in these time to hide in the shadow of His wings, and rest in His bosom.  

gnight.  :)