broken vs perfect

(something I shared with others last week) ... 

I bought a new car today. yay.  that means i can finally not worry about jumping it so frequently, getting it fixed so often, etc., and be able to use it to cart people around without worrying about it dying on me :-p.

However, something about having a new car made me uneasy as I was reflecting on today's events, and things I've been learning recently in the Lord.  

I think it's the comfort that makes me nervous.  

I've always seemed to be able to connect with sad movies, and broken people.  And as I think of giving up a broken down car, even though I've heard people say many times... jess when are you going to buy a new car?? I feel like staying broken keeps me more dependent.  And while in the world that may be a bad thing... with the Lord it is a good thing.  

I love the beat up saturn with the two dents, the glued mirror, the stained seats, the locks & fan that have a mind of their own... and the battery that works when it wants to.  

As I plunked around on the piano this evening, I was reminded of how drawn I am to broken people, to circumstances that are not quite perfect, to jeans with holes in them, and even the beat up saturn.  I was reminded how much I love people that even though are a little dirty, and wounded from the world, are people that are real.  Perfection in this life = falsehood.  If you have a perfect life on this earth, you are living in a false reality.  And because of this you cannot know the healing touch of Jesus, you cannot know the depths of His love, and the peace that surpasses all understanding.  

So even though, I do feel it was the Lord's will for me to get a new vehicle.  I feel as the Lord reminded me that comfort and wordly perfection in this world is not what we're after, we are after His Kingdom, & His righteousness, and the only way to get there is through brokenness.

it seems like so many have faced difficult circumstances lately... so many I've talked to recently are in this state of limbo, where we're all not quite sure of the next step in our lives.  

...But as we've been reminded through the many horrid news reports lately, this world is only getting darker, and we need to draw near to the Lord, and to His word and to brothers and sisters, that we might continue to be His light in this dark place.  

I know I've been really distracted lately... by being caught up in the hustle and bustle of work where the busyness never seems to end,... by my personal life and wondering what the Lord's will is there ... and just the endless distractions of the world.  I've just felt kinda disconnected from the Lord in some ways... but some of a brother's sharings this past weekend helped remind me that I'm here in Seattle for a purpose... to be His light.  And I need to not get so caught up in my present circumstances... but press on towards the goal in Christ Jesus.  To seek out His purpose in each day... and to live according to the grace He gives.       

I pray that as we face different challenges we can continue to encourage and build one another up in the Lord.  For His grace is sufficient for us, His power made perfect in weakness.  

May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

Eyes ahead.

I went snowboarding last week and it was the first time I went since last season.  So, I felt like I was relearning some things... i.e.  how to get off the lift without face-planting. ha.

It was my first time up the lift, I get to the top and I'm like oh no... don't fall... don't fall.  and then I get off and what's the first thing that happens?? i go for a little tumble. :-p.  The guy next to the lift was like, "Don't look at your snowboard, look at where you're going, and you won't fall"... I looked back and smiled at him and was like "thanks" in an embarrassed-type face.  He's like, "trust me I've been doing this for a while".

While I was embarrassed some... I sat there on the hill, getting my boot in the binding and thinking of the spiritual sense of that.  At that moment, it's like the Lord was convicting me of only looking at my circumstance and not looking ahead and what the bigger purpose was in my life.
It's sooo easy to just get caught up in the moment, in the emotions of life, and in the temporary ideas that pop into your head, or the impulsiveness that is pressed into us from the world.  Sometimes I get so caught up in all that's going on around me... the whirr of busyness... and surviving in the world.  But I forget the purpose for why I am here.

A brother came to share at our congregation recently, and he asked a few questions during one of his messages that really hit home for me and convicted me.  He asked.. did God bring you to Seattle?  Did He put you in the job or school you're at now?  Were you sent here by God?  Have you forgotten that you were sent here by God?  Have you forgotten His purpose for you here?  Do you know His purpose for you here?
  ... and I ask myself, "Am I living in the purpose that He has for me?"

How focused I am on figuring out my circumstances... surviving the rush of work, getting my house in order, making sure I can make it to all the church activities, and social events, getting addicted to online shopping, managing car issues and finances, while trying to figure out my personal life and still trying to keep my sanity and stay close to the Lord... which gradually begins to slip away as I get caught up in life's rush.                ...deep breath.

And then I speak with a brother this weekend who is ministering far away where he and his family are very literally persecuted, beaten, kidnapped, raped, and killed because of their faith, and their desire to spread the Word of the Lord.  And then hearing the previous brother share on the ministry of the Kingdom, and what our purpose is here.  To be Life, Light, and Love.... to a dark world.  Wow... what am I doing with my life?!

Where is my focus?? If it's down at my snowboard, I fall.  If it's ahead I see the bumps before I get there and I lower my stance a bit.  If I'm looking up I can steer away from other boarders and skiers as I make my way down the hill... and I can enjoy the ride so much more.

In our Christian Life, if we're always looking at our situation we are doomed to get caught in the trap of the world... and our life will always depend on the moment.  In this way our peace and our joy will be suffocated, and we will always find ourselves failing to grow in the Lord.

But if we lift our eyes upon the Lord, and look ahead at the goal He has shown to us.  If we draw near to Him we will be able to be prepared for whatever life throws at us, and still reside in His rest.  If we look towards the Goal of Christ and the coming Kingdom, and have our hearts set on what the Lord's heart is set on, we will learn to grow in Faith, and see the purpose in each day.

I may not understand everything that happens in my life and in the life of others... even as we see more and more tragedy these days.  But we press on towards the goal of the upward call in Christ Jesus our Lord, knowing that God is working everything out for the good of those who are called according to His good purpose.

May we learn to commune all the more with our Lord, and in doing so, learn of His heart, and understand His calling for us in each day.