The Whisper that silences all else...

When I was in grade school, I was not the most outspoken kid ever.  I sometimes found myself around people who were more talkative and so the pressure was off me to have to say anything.  However, when I did have something to say, I found that my words oftentimes got drown in the midst of others' conversations - and a lot of times people didn't hear me.  It was probably mostly due to that fact that I didn't talk very loud... but it could also have been that people weren't used to me interjecting their conversations very much.  Heh...gotta love those awkward years of middle and high school.  ...So thankful to have moved on (in some ways anyways... haha).


But now...I often find myself in the midst of a very noisy life.  I find that there is One who is trying to say something to me, but I so often miss it - so caught up by the other conversations and distractions and "important stuff I have to do".  Some days at work - like today - the noise never stops.  Forgot to set my alarm so I woke up late, somehow made it to work on time by the grace of God - but no devo, no coffee. Get to work and the crazy kicks in full gear. Gotta give insulin first thing and pass morning meds.  Family member needs this, doctor asking for something else, another patient wants his bed changed and the nurse's aid is too busy with someone else to help.  A critical lab value comes back and pharmacy needs to be called to get those drips up here stat so I can get them running.  Another patient occasionally yelling at the top of his lungs across from the nurses's station.  I have to coordinate with the phlebotomist on another patient to make sure the timing is exactly right for the next blood draw.  Next thing I know management comes around to tell us that we need everything to be perfect for the upcoming inspection.  Oh and all that smart-alec nurse humor that employees share all day long to try to cope.  Lunch? Who has time for that... oh but thank the Lord the nursing students brought snacks to share today! haha.

I got home... barely drank some water - peed for the first time since I started work (tmi?) - and then crashed for 45 minutes.  I needed recovery before prayer meeting.
...what I found was that my recovery was more at prayer meeting - when I could sit in the presence of my Lord and clearly hear Him calling my name.

I've found lately that I find it hard to really hear the Lord's voice -- kinda like - was that you Lord?  Between the rush of work - the schedule outside -hangouts- even the many church meetings, not to mention the millions of thoughts in my head.  I find that sometimes hearing the voice of the Lord can be like playing telephone... the original message gets so jumbled by all the others voices in between.

Sometimes I long for those times when it was so easy to be right in step with the Lord - hearing His voice at every turn and sensing peace no matter the circumstance.  But often finding it hard to attain that.  So I move along in life... reading the Word, getting the occasional encouragement from the Spirit and from messages and other brothers and sisters - but still feeling like I'm missing the ability to walk in the abundance of the life that was supposedly freely gifted to me.  "What am I doing wrong?!" ... I frustratingly ask myself and subconsciously ask  the Lord.  I find the anxiety and struggle I had once left behind me... has again shown it's ugly face once again.

So many mornings lately - the sunrises have been beyond beautiful.  Even at the start of work - looking out from our break room window... I find myself wondering at such an amazing creation.  In the midst of all the crazy stresses of the world, the voices telling us to go every which way, and sometimes just a tired body, I hear this subtle whisper.

             "Look away unto Me..."
                        "Be still and know..."
                                "Come to Me...You will find rest for your soul..."


There is a whisper.  I've found that if I really stop to listen for it - it will silence all else.  He is always speaking to me - but the problem is that I don't stop and listen often enough.  I put everything else as more important, more urgent.  And sometimes I just don't want to listen because I know if I do, I have to let the Lord in to the deepest parts of my heart, and that can be pretty uncomfortable.

But the times when I let my guard down and I let that whisper flood my soul ---
              --I can suddenly get a true glimpse of who my Lord is...and it changes everything.  
                                       
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The above was a draft from 2 weeks ago... below are thoughts continued today...
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I was off today, high of 60 degrees (F), the sun has been shining gloriously, windows wide open and NOTHING on the schedule.  Thank you Jesus! is all that my heart was saying.  Mood has been good, cleaning my apartment finally!  When taking a break from cleaning I went to sit down in my favorite papisan chair - and I noticed the bottom layer of my coffee table.  Uggghh...so messy - so full of junk I just hide under there because I don't know what else to do with it.  So easily hidden away and unnoticed for so long.  And I felt in the quietness of the moment that the Lord was speaking to me of my heart.

All those moments that I brushed off that still small voice... at each time there was something that was left un-dealt with.  A little bitterness here.. a little loneliness there... a little exhaustion here... a little anger there... a little jealousy there... with a dash of worldly pleasure to try to numb it all.  And it all piles up in the corners of my heart likened to the junk under my coffee table.  What am I supposed to do with 50 blank CDs anyways? Can't throw them away--- but who uses CDs anymore?  And in my heart that's how I feel too- sure I want it to be pure and clean and free of clutter, but I can't quite figure out how to get rid of that bitterness I thought I left so long ago.  God, I thought you freed me from this stuff!? Why am I still finding this junk is still here?!   ...but in my heart there are bits and pieces of an old idol that have been left behind, and something in my soul that still remembers the fragrant smells of Egypt - and lusts after it.  Oh... how I need the Lord.

I am so thankful to the Lord, that in all the craziness of our lives, He is constantly working to reveal His love to us.  Thank the Lord that He can break through our darkness with His glorious light - show us all our junk that has piled up over time...allow us to see it for enough time for it to make us hurt and see our need for Him... and then immediately show us the cleansing power of His precious blood.  Do we know just how wonderful our Savior is?  I don't think any of us really knows in the depth that He would like us too... but may the eyes of our hearts be opened to see just how great a salvation this is, and how deep He has meant to save us.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. -1 John 1:5-10

Thank the Lord that He is willing to forgive our sins and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness and that He is able to save us to the uttermost!  May we be willing to let His still small voice penetrate our thoughts and the many voices and noises we hear every day and may we let Him have His way in us.  This is the only way to know true healing and freedom and peace and joy.  This is our God, He sure does know how to love, oh, may He help us learn to receive His love.  He not only exposes, but He cleanses and redeems, and encourages and strengthens.  If we can learn to trust Him, we find that He has always been the one who is the most trustworthy.

May this be our prayer:

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! -Psalm 139:23-24 

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But it all comes back to paying attention to the whisper...

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" -Psalm 46:10

...The more we listen and receive and obey His still small voice... the more we find that our soul can enter and remain in the stillness of the Lord. And in entering this stillness, our hearts naturally learn to exalt Him.  Maybe we had trouble truly exalting Him before- but through His tender whisper we were led to repentance and were able to receive cleansing and our heart was freed to worship Him.  

We so need God's grace, for we are so blind and deaf!  May the cry of our hearts be that we would learn to listen - so that He may have the rightful place in our hearts and receive all of our worship.  For He alone is worthy.  Worthy not only to receive the worship from our lips but worthy to receive all of you and me, the worship of our lives.  

"Speak, [Lord,] for your servant is listening" -1 Samuel 3:10

Image Bearers

With pressure to fit an image in this world and the temptation to use what I have to "better myself" according to the world's standard...the Lord has been reminding me that my role is to bear the image of my Lord.

This world tells us all the time how important "image" is.  We have to dress a certain way, talk a certain talk, and carry ourselves in a certain fashion to fit a certain mold.  The world loves to try to define us.  It tries to convince us that if we live up to these requirements, we can fit in and "be somebody"... or at least be perceived that we are somebody in this world.  So we aspire to be perfect, or at least a perfect reflection of what we desire our "image" to be.  Whether we've perfected that Pinterest dessert or we came up with the most artistic Instragram photo... or we've managed to get our look down with the classy chic dress and 4 inch heels.  Maybe it's our work ethic that we've managed to define our image, our ability to conquer any difficult task given to us, or our willingness to remain loyal, no matter the cost.  Maybe it's our quirkiness or our rebellion to the norm that defines our image... our west coast hipsters certainly have an image of their own.

No matter whether we know it or not, we present an image to this world that everybody sees.  These days we find it pretty easy to control our image by what we post on social media... and we learn how to present ourselves differently depending on the crowd we're around.
Oh, we would love so much for the world to never see our failures,
                                          ...however, the problem with that is, we can quickly become fake and distant.

But for we who have believed in the Lord, we are called to bear the image of Christ.  How is this possible?  Isn't Christ actually perfect?  How do we attain this?

In Genesis 1:26-27, it speaks of how God made man in His own image.
Romans 8:29 - how God predestined us to be conformed to the image of His Son.
1 Corinthians 15:49 - how we shall bear the image of Jesus.
Colossians 3:10 - how we're putting on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge, after the image of its creator.

The world is the world and it will never change.  It will always try to make us feel like we need to be a certain person with a certain image.  The real problem: these ideas of image and perfection have seeped into the church.  We can trick ourselves into calling it "being a good testimony".  So many of us in the church are good at pretending that we're perfect, or at least good at preventing everyone from seeing our sin.  We're so good at presenting this "Christian Image"... we can dress nice, act nice, be active in service... but when it comes to our difficulties and challenges behind the scenes, we don't want anyone to know.  Since Christ was perfect and everyone else seems to be doing so well, we find it impossible to know how to be real among the brethren and the result becomes that we end up bearing a man-made image instead of the Lord himself.
I know for myself, even among the body of Christ, I've found it hard to be real with others about my own struggles at times because I felt I wouldn't live up to the "good girl" image I had going for me.  And sometimes I've thought that others wouldn't get me if I was honest about how I felt, because I've come from a different background and experience.

The issue becomes that we are attempting to bear the image of Christ with our own strength and understanding.  In doing this we become a less than genuine image of who we think the Lord wants us to be.  Then we find that we can't enter into fellowship, we have a hard time connecting in body-life, we're constantly worn out by service and we feel as though we don't fit in in the House of God.  It's an impossible feat; there's no way that we can represent Christ without Christ.  What image are we really bearing?

With the expectations of the world on our backs all the time, telling us we need to shape up and be better, I think it's easy for us to forget that we are but sinners in need of a savior.  Of course, we should never celebrate our sin, nor should we bring tons of attention to it.  However, if we can be honest about our sin and our weakness before God and in His House... we can testify as John Newton once said.. "I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior".  And as soon as we can become real before God and before our brothers and sisters, we find that we don't have to work hard to bear the image of the Lord... and we need not try to bear an image of perfection.  But as we surrender to the Lord in honesty about who we really are, we find that He will work His life out in us, that as we follow Him, we will naturally begin to bear His image.
I found that as I became more honest before the Lord about my hurt and my difficulty and my sin and as I let Him satisfy the longings in my heart, I felt like I could connect more with brothers and sisters.  I was no longer as bound by my judgments of others and their judgments of me, and I found more opportunities to fellowship with those I had originally thought were so different from me.

"But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His son cleanses us from all sin" -1 John 1:7

As image bearers, may we be careful to not let our flesh define the image we bear.  Let us not pursuit perfection, but let us pursuit Christ.  Let us be honest about our weaknesses, but let us glory in the One whose power is made perfect in them.

We are nothing and have nothing outside of Christ Jesus our Lord.  Let's not try to make the world or even the Church believe otherwise.  This doesn't necessarily mean that we change how we dress or the way we talk with people, but instead of living up to an "image" of who we think we need to be or even who we want to be, may we live unto the Lord alone and submit to His leading in all things.  We will find that one whom we serve will become the image we bear.  For myself, it means letting go of my ideas of the image I want to portray, letting going of the temptation to be somebody the world loves, but also letting go of this man-made idea that in God's house I need to present a "perfect image".  Of course we don't want to spill all our guts to everyone and tell of all our sins and woes... but reality in the church starts with honesty in our hearts.

Indeed, all that we have and all that we are belongs to Him ...and in some great mystery, we can say "He is mine".  Hallelujah!  This is our story and it is glorious.
May we let our lives be simplified a little by being honest, receiving His grace, living by faith, and being obedient in the smallest of details.  As the verses mentioned above, we also need to remember that conforming to the image of Christ doesn't happen overnight... it is a process.  Remember, the Lord loves us, and He loves us far beyond our deepest pain and our worst sin.  And in His mercy, He is walking with us step by step, as we learn to deny ourselves and truly belong to Him.  His love will continue each step of the way until we are made complete in Him and reflect His glorious image.    

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  ... always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." - 2 Corinthians 4:7,10 

Home.

(This is an entry I drafted about a month or 2 ago...)

My heart strings are pulled by so many places on the map... literally.  The miles racked on my frequent flier miles can prove that, especially in this last year.  While I can easily say that it's because my family is all over the place, I have been asking myself: Have I been travelling so much because I'm searching for home?

Lots of thoughts lately about what my future might hold.  What should I be doing?  At this point in life... many of my peers start thinking about settling down, finding a place called "home".  Where is my place?  What is my purpose in where I'm at?  Am I bearing fruit?  Am I wasting time?  What is it that God wants out of my life?

...the short and simple I always get back from the Lord is... "You, I want you, Jessica".  

I live in a pretty simple apartment that definitely has its flaws, working at a job with a schedule that is far less than perfect and has its own slew of challenges; family is across the country and so many unanswered questions about my life and the Lord's plan hanging in the balance.

...but what I have been finding more and more in these last few months, when I come into the Presence of the Lord...I am home, I am resting, I know He is Lord and Sovereign.

The human heart is hungry and searching and we think we can fulfill our deepest desires with the world, with human love, or even in "going to church" and being filled with emotional or even spiritual encouragement and "community".
In essence, every human is looking for home.  We're looking for a place where we belong.

I've had a really hard time with this in these last few years, feeling like I don't really know where I belong.  Wherever I go, I can fit in in some ways, but I always still feel somewhat of an outsider.  I keep thinking something is wrong?  Is it a problem with me? Maybe I'm in the wrong location? Should I go back to my hometown? Maybe I'm at the wrong job?  I started once again looking at self to find the answer, analyzing my life to see if it was really in line with God's plan.  And I found nothing to grasp onto, no answers, just more anxiety and more questions... trying to decipher some plan of action, but with no peace.

Thank the Lord that through some difficult circumstances and hard questions that were asked of me, I started to see that my focus was all wrong.  I realized once again, that I had to leave all worldly desires and selfish ambition behind.  I had to let go of "all I once held dear".  I had to choose to say "God I am yours, and am willing to go wherever and do what you ask of me".
I started praying for the Lord to be my vision, and praying that the Lord would show me His heart for the Church.  I started praying for His burden to be exposed in my heart and for Him to teach me the way I should go.

And it's funny that within the next week...I no longer felt lost, no longer felt like I had to run away to find a "home".  I no longer felt that I needed all the answers, because the Lord was teaching me once again to be satisfied in Him, in where He has me, in this little apartment and at this job, serving in His body.  I started to feel a sense of belonging and a desire to be truly invested in His work in His church.  Not because I made more close friends or because I had more things that made me happy... but because I found my dwelling place was in the Lord, my expectation was in Him alone and because of that I found peace and rest and joy.  Amazingly enough, it seemed as though I started to see a bit through His eyes, I started having this urge to initiate more fellowship and care for His children.  Finding a place of belonging was no longer based on the place I lived or the people I hung out with.  All that I needed came from the Lord and He is teaching me that I truly belong to Him.  I've been bought with a very great price.  And it's amazing how much more grateful one becomes in the Presence of the Lord...and how I could see once again just how very blessed I am.

I started expecting less of my situation, less of the people around me and came to the realization that there's not much I can even expect from myself.  ONLY when ALL my expectation lies in the Lord can I find rest, and then the Lord can use this weak vessel.  It is only when I let go of my own expectations and place them in Him that I also find true purpose in life, because I see less of what I want and am more open to what He wants and open to His vision.  Hallelujah, His grace continues to teach us in all things and sustains us on the way.  

“Upon God alone, O my soul, rest peacefully; for my expectation is from him” -Psalm 62:5 (Darby)

Faith & Works

After reading in James 2 today, I was reminded of my teenage years back when a family friend suggested we combine with them to share the song "Screen Door" by Rich Mullins with the local congregation.  With it's bluesy melody, fun rhythm, and convincing lyrics, the song basically stated that faith without works is indeed dead, it's pointless, it's "like a screen door on a submarine".  I know we had a good time practicing to share that song, but I'm pretty sure at that time I didn't understand the heart and the truth behind the lyrics.

So many times recently, I've asked the Lord... "but what do You want me to do?"  As if my doing something is going to make all the difference.  I've been trying to search left and right to figure out what "works" I have to do to show evidence of what the Lord has shared with me, to prove my faith.
I came back from a conference recently that's theme was "Occupying for the Lord" and to me that seemed to mean some sort of action.
After the conference, however, and all this revelation and encouragement all I got was "wait and pray".  Everything in me wanted to cry out "but what do I do?!"  Ugh.  I'm so impatient.....but thank the Lord that He knows us.  He needed to show me His sovereignty and that the work was indeed His and not my own. He started to show me that whether it was me doing the physical work or just praying behind the scenes... the ultimate point is that He should be getting all the Glory and all is for His Name's sake.    

It says in James that Abraham offering up Isaac was the work in response to the faith.  ... So here came this simple, yet profound, answer from the Lord.  Isn't works just obedience to Me?  

I've found that sometimes works can be nothing but being still and praying.  Oftentimes this is the hardest work of them all: to know that the Lord is in control and working and that He has asked you to be still and work through prayer only.  For me, it is so hard.  As humans, we love what is tangible.  We love things we can see or taste or touch.  But the Lord so delights in obedience over works and over sacrifice and sometimes it means that we don't see the fruit of our prayers at first or maybe ever, but if the Lord has asked it of us and we are obedient to it, it will bear fruit.
"Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fats of rams." -1 Samuel 15:22


Sometimes, however, the Lord does ask us to take physical action.  Maybe as small as speaking a word to someone, or teaching Sunday School or maybe even in something that seems bigger, like becoming a missionary in another country.
The problem that arises is that I could frequently use "I'm waiting for the voice of the Lord" to account for my laziness or unwillingness to give up my own comfort.
"I'm pretty sure that there is someone more qualified to talk to Suzy about that."
or "God, I Just don't feel up for prayer meeting this week.  I know you must want me to catch up on my rest.  I just need an evening off to relax."
"God wouldn't send me Uganda, away from my family, in a place that could be considered dangerous, would He?"

We tend to convince ourselves that our own feelings are the voice of God.  It's comforting to our selfish soul, but it just leads to more death of our spirit and essentially leads to disconnect from God.  I'm not saying that God is calling us all to be missionaries or to do seemingly grand things for Him.  What I'm saying is that He, often times, will ask us to do things that are not within our comfort zone; they're not within what we think is logical or rational or enjoyable or even within this box of who we know God to be.  Because of our feeling of inability or lack of knowledge or just lack of desire, we often times ignore or push away opportunities that God has placed in front of us for service or "action" to be His hands and feet in this world of need.

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I oftentimes think that having some leading to go serve in another country would be amazing, and I feel like even if I could do some sort of outreach locally or evangelize in the community I would have some sense of obvious meaning in my service.  I could maybe feel that I had done something great for the Lord.
But for me, I have found, that the most challenging thing is exactly what the Lord has called me to.  And that (for now) is to encourage, to minister to, to comfort, to challenge, and to pray for/with those who are closest to me: my coworkers, friends, the fellow believers that I meet with, my family, etc.  It seems like it would almost be easier to just go somewhere else and preach the Gospel to strangers.  But the Lord is teaching me that in these "small" things, He receives just as much glory.

The thing with connecting with people that are already close to you is, they know your failures, they will probably challenge you as much as you do them, and it seems to carry this extra weight -- sometimes it means extra hurt for us, or extra difficulties in relationships, or just learning to be more vulnerable than we ever really wanted to be.  But this is what the cross is, and it is ours to carry, that we might under its weight learn the character of Christ and be changed by it.  Not only are we changed more into His likeness, but in being more like Him, we let more of God into our lives and through our lives that He might be Lord over every situation and be able to minister through us.

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The Lord has kept me in the dark about so many things... and I think this is the reason why: when I get a piece of His intention or His heart, I tend to run with it on my own strength.  I become as the "foolish Galations" and try to finish with my own two hands what the Spirit has started.  But thank the Lord that He is patient and I am learning.  What I find is that it's not just the end result in a matter that pleases the Lord, but more that we are willing to follow Him, obey Him, and step with Him as He steps.  And this affects a more eternal "end result".
God's heart in making man was always related to His desire for fellowship.  If our works and our plans and our ideas are outside of our fellowship with God, then we have stepped out of His purpose in creating us.  He longs to be with us, to walk with us, to lead us, to encourage us, to talk with us, and to bring us into His glorious plans.   Our God's heart is FOR US.  May we not miss this in our day to day run around the mill.

So back to this faith and works business.  Faith without action is not faith.  Faith knows the heart of God and therefore moves forward walking in it.  But action without faith or knowledge of who God is or what He is doing is the same if not worse.  It's just burning a lot of time and energy and maybe getting a few gold stars added to your portfolio or your Sunday School chart, but in God's eyes it is meaningless.

It just comes back to the simplicity of getting to know our Lord, walking with Him, learning of Him in His word, trusting Him, and obeying Him... even when He nudges us into unfamiliar or uncomfortable territory.  Our God loves us with an unimaginable love, and His heart is always for our good.  Simple faith and obedience is what brings Him the most glory.  Just look at the life of Christ.  

Shaking.

oh man.  what a summer.   I can't believe it's coming to a close.  What a roller coaster of traveling, lessons, emotions, unexpected circumstances, life, blessings, but so full of the unbelievable and amazing grace of God.  Full of light shining on my own life and the life of the Church.  Amazed by the incredible and horrific stories in the news.  Learning to sit and listen and read and listen and sit and wait and pray and listen.

What it comes down to is a whole lot of shaking.

Shaking in the world in ways we have never seen before.  Evil so clearly at work... massacres, plagues, famines, earthquakes, division, corruption, nations fighting nations, families fighting families, and the line between right and wrong almost completely removed.

Shaking in the Church... literally churches that seemingly stood for truth falling to pieces.  Corruption and pride in the hearts of men and the working of the enemy equals division, dissension, and a structure that was supposed to represent God falling like a sandcastle washed away by the waves.    But also a good shaking in that people are starting to question the reason we're doing things the way we do them.  There's some shaking that opens eyes and hearts and helps us to see the Church in light of God.  What are we doing?  Oh, may we have such an honest and vulnerable heart before God!  Are we walking in light of Him?  Is what we're doing unto Him or unto our own idea of what His work is?  Are we just doing what we've always done? Are we that living sacrifice before Him?  If not... WHAT is it that we're doing?!  For if it's not by faith and it's not in His light and if it's not led by His spirit, It is VANITY!

Shaking in my own heart.  So much light and revelation...the Lord patiently showing me who I really am in light of Him.  Oh man...so much junk; pride, insecurity, self-centeredness, fear, unbelief, worry, and a whole lot of stubbornness.  This list could go on and on.  But I've just seen how the Lord meets me in each and every one of these things.  After supplying light though, His grace just floods in like a dam breaking.  Followed by freedom :).  Hallelujah!  Oh how precious is the blood of the Lamb.

And He has caused me to start to understand the importance of heeding His voice above any other.     I've gotten a lot of hard questions asked of me this summer.  Questions that at the time I had a hard time answering.  Questions I realized I had a hard time answering because I wasn't walking fully in the Lord's light and in the purpose that the Lord had called me into.  I wasn't so honest with the Lord about my life and struggles and my inability to do all of the tasks at hand, never mind deal with my own issues before the Lord.

I feel like I've been called to lay a lot of things down again and re-evaluate them before the Lord and see what His Word is for each of them.  It seems for myself and so many brothers and sisters in the body, and for Church service and with stuff going on in this nation and in the world, it feels like everything's shifting and changing.  What it's gonna look like in the future... I have not the slightest clue.  But I feel like the Lord is saying to His Church...WAKE UP!  Hallelujah, has this not been our prayer?  That the eyes of our hearts would be enlightened?

May the Lord be our Vision in the time we have... for who knows what tomorrow brings.  May we redeem the time and Love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.  He, the God on the Universe and beyond who knows our greatest sin and the depravity of humankind, desires still to dwell with us and abide in us!!  Does this amazing truth not stir within us a great desire to bow, surrender, and love the Lord our God?!

Hallelujah!  Our Lord lives and is working and His love never fails!  

And to show His grace even more... He painted the sky tonight with soft pastels.  Our God is good. :)

    "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.  Let all that you do be done in love." - 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Eternity in View

First quiet evening at home in a while.  Thought, or should I say thoughts, on my heart tonight: Eternity.
I was given this one line "Open my eyes to eternity" ... thought maybe it was the beginning of a song.  But no.  The Lord prompted it more as a plea on my heart.  Even in the last hour, I've been thinking about different events, my spin on them, and what God's spin on them must be... seeing partially, but never with complete revelation.  So many different circumstances in so many lives of family, friends, acquaintances, etc... and wondering how this jumble of events all fits together in God's glorious purpose... the good, the bad, the ugly.  All of them are somehow working together for His glorification in the end, and eternity in view.

It all makes me feel so small, so amazed at how I can remain so selfish so much of the time.  Realizing that all the things the Lord brings me through are not all just about me.  It may not be about me at all.  Of course the Lord uses every opportunity to shape us and mold us and conform us more to the likeness of the image of Christ.  But it is all soo soo much bigger than that.  The things he leads us into, the Way that he leads us... the people that we encounter, the friendships we make, the person we marry, the church we attend,  the place we live, the job that He leads us into... I ask myself, what is their eternal weight? What is the meaning in light of eternity?
When I truly start to think on eternity, how humbled I instantly become.  Who am I, that I have been invited to partake in this? To partake in the One who defines Eternal Life.  So incredibly precious, and yet mind-blowing at the same time.

Am I living my life in light of Eternity?
...Or... Is it based on the rush of the world, the desires of the flesh, the hunger of knowledge, or the expectation of man?

There is this concept of eternity that we have in the back of our minds, one that probably seems more fantasy than anything else.  And it's easier to live with it back there, where we can store it away for a good spiritual discussion or some "deep fellowship", or even bring it out to meditate on every Sunday when we have communion and sing "When we've been there ten thousand years...".

But what's really hard is letting eternity live at the very forefront of our minds, and letting the Lord etch it on our hearts.  That, however, is exactly what God has called us to do.  But how?  I think it has all to do with learning to live in the Eternal Life that has already been given to us.  Abiding in Christ, in His rest, in His joy, in His righteousness and holiness.  Living through him and unto Him.  Casting aside our own eyes, and seeing with His.  Casting aside our own ideas, and letting Christ rules in our minds.  Laying down our deepest desires, and letting Him have His way in us, knowing that we see in part, but He sees the whole picture.

There is so much more going on in this world and in our own lives, and in the Church that is beyond what we can see and understand.  We can let it make us frustrated and upset because we don't have control, or we can choose to live in the peace of God, trusting Him, and knowing that there is eternity in the balance.  Our all-knowing heavenly Father who loves us much more than we can even imagine is indeed sovereign over all of these things, from the smallest desire or struggle that we face, to the biggest events going on universally.  He is SOVEREIGN & He loves us. This is the truth!  May we live in light of this reality: He's not an amateur, He knows what He's doing.  May we learn to enjoy the presence of the Lord, for it is all the sweeter when we don't know all the details of His plan.  But may we learn to STAY in the presence of the Lord, discovering each day who He is, and learning to live for Him and for the eternal desires on His heart.

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press own toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:13-14

Whose dime am I on?

This week has been up and down... and some days I just wanna come home and have some "me" time.  Make some dinner... watch a good cop show, or listen to some great musical performances, surf the web... and just chill.

One of the very present themes in my life this year is "redeeming the time".  I've struggled to truly listen and be obedient to the Lord in this area when He asks for my time.  I struggle to know where the balance is... when it is ok to hang out and watch a movie... or when is it ok to just do stuff "for fun" ... whether by yourself or with friends.  Am I never supposed to have fun, or enjoy life?  Is it God's intention that I remain so serious?

I've brought this question before the Lord...

I sometimes struggle to gain an answer when I think about those who are suffering and losing their lives for the sake of Christ just across the ocean.  What fun is the preacher who is stuck in the prison cell having? Why is it ok for me for mess around on my computer for so long doing nothing... and do all this stuff ..just for the sake of fun and enjoyment?? So many who are following the Lord around the world wouldn't think so much about getting so excited for the next episode of Castle, or the 50% off sale at Express ... because their life is around Christ, and these things are not important to them.

But then there's the other side of the coin that says... "lighten up, you're too serious, it's ok to joke around a little bit"
...I grew up knowing sarcasm and joking around.  I know how to joke around and I know how to have a good time, and enjoy a lot of laughs with close friends.

But I guess the question remains... Can I enjoy these things, and still redeem the time?

I find such a simple answer from the Lord.
      Listen to Me, and walk before Me with an obedient heart.  

I've seen so many Christians swing to one side or the other... Either incredibly serious or incredibly loose.  Funny how often times it swings on both sides even in one family.  I think I've been on both sides over the course of my life.

What is serious is that our Lord Jesus came and took our place, and paid the price for our very life.  That we might no longer live to ourselves, but to God (Romans 6:10).  And, "I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galations 2:20).

I do believe our Lord wants us to experience fun and laughter, and incredible times full of joy and wonder.  But at the same time...I need to recognize that this life is not my own.  My loving Father paid the price for me, that I might enter the joy of His kingdom, that I might know the riches of the inheritance of Christ (Ephesians 1:18).  But when I answer His call, I also recognize that I am going to lean on HIS understanding in all things.  And that means I need to LISTEN to His voice, and walk in the way that He prepares for me.
We can't look to another's experience and say, "they have no joy in their life, why is the Lord allowing me to have joy in mine?"  or "I feel like the cross is soo heavy on me, why does Suzy sunday have the perfect life, and relationship with God and supportive family?"  At the end of the book of John, the Lord asked Peter to not consider what He had in store for John, but to just "follow Me".  And we are called to not look at the experiences of others to gauge our walk with the Lord... but to look always unto the Lord himself.  What is He asking of you and me THIS DAY?  Are we listening?  Are we following?

So I've come to realize that there is no hard and fast rule about how I spend my time alone and how I spend my time with friends be it with a church group or with coworkers... all time needs to be lived before God in honesty.  I need to choose to be consecrated, to be obedient, to be committed to my Lord.  He may lead me through times of incredible pleasure... and he may lead me through times where I need to bite the bullet and resist all the urges to do what I want to do because He said "No" this time... and there are times where He will lead me through serious pain.  It is not that I am seeking a lifestyle...but I am seeking my Lord & King, Jesus.  I do not choose to be lax about everything, nor do I choose to treat every case with all seriousness and legalism, but I LEARN the voice of my King, my Savior, my Friend, and I move as He moves.  Praise the Lord that we have such a privilege to be so close to Him, who is above all things, and to know His very heart & will!  ...and we may come to realize that for the heart that listens, there is so much more to discover, and we may find a greater calling and purpose awaits us.

Lord, would you keep your children close to You, that we would not stray and follow our own way, but would learn to abide in You in all circumstances.  Show us more of Yourself that we might know You more, and know when You say "Go" and when You say "Stay" and when You say "Just pray". We trust in Your strength to keep us, for we are weak. May our time be redeemed and be used to glorify Your Name, in Jesus' Name.