The Whisper that silences all else...

When I was in grade school, I was not the most outspoken kid ever.  I sometimes found myself around people who were more talkative and so the pressure was off me to have to say anything.  However, when I did have something to say, I found that my words oftentimes got drown in the midst of others' conversations - and a lot of times people didn't hear me.  It was probably mostly due to that fact that I didn't talk very loud... but it could also have been that people weren't used to me interjecting their conversations very much.  Heh...gotta love those awkward years of middle and high school.  ...So thankful to have moved on (in some ways anyways... haha).


But now...I often find myself in the midst of a very noisy life.  I find that there is One who is trying to say something to me, but I so often miss it - so caught up by the other conversations and distractions and "important stuff I have to do".  Some days at work - like today - the noise never stops.  Forgot to set my alarm so I woke up late, somehow made it to work on time by the grace of God - but no devo, no coffee. Get to work and the crazy kicks in full gear. Gotta give insulin first thing and pass morning meds.  Family member needs this, doctor asking for something else, another patient wants his bed changed and the nurse's aid is too busy with someone else to help.  A critical lab value comes back and pharmacy needs to be called to get those drips up here stat so I can get them running.  Another patient occasionally yelling at the top of his lungs across from the nurses's station.  I have to coordinate with the phlebotomist on another patient to make sure the timing is exactly right for the next blood draw.  Next thing I know management comes around to tell us that we need everything to be perfect for the upcoming inspection.  Oh and all that smart-alec nurse humor that employees share all day long to try to cope.  Lunch? Who has time for that... oh but thank the Lord the nursing students brought snacks to share today! haha.

I got home... barely drank some water - peed for the first time since I started work (tmi?) - and then crashed for 45 minutes.  I needed recovery before prayer meeting.
...what I found was that my recovery was more at prayer meeting - when I could sit in the presence of my Lord and clearly hear Him calling my name.

I've found lately that I find it hard to really hear the Lord's voice -- kinda like - was that you Lord?  Between the rush of work - the schedule outside -hangouts- even the many church meetings, not to mention the millions of thoughts in my head.  I find that sometimes hearing the voice of the Lord can be like playing telephone... the original message gets so jumbled by all the others voices in between.

Sometimes I long for those times when it was so easy to be right in step with the Lord - hearing His voice at every turn and sensing peace no matter the circumstance.  But often finding it hard to attain that.  So I move along in life... reading the Word, getting the occasional encouragement from the Spirit and from messages and other brothers and sisters - but still feeling like I'm missing the ability to walk in the abundance of the life that was supposedly freely gifted to me.  "What am I doing wrong?!" ... I frustratingly ask myself and subconsciously ask  the Lord.  I find the anxiety and struggle I had once left behind me... has again shown it's ugly face once again.

So many mornings lately - the sunrises have been beyond beautiful.  Even at the start of work - looking out from our break room window... I find myself wondering at such an amazing creation.  In the midst of all the crazy stresses of the world, the voices telling us to go every which way, and sometimes just a tired body, I hear this subtle whisper.

             "Look away unto Me..."
                        "Be still and know..."
                                "Come to Me...You will find rest for your soul..."


There is a whisper.  I've found that if I really stop to listen for it - it will silence all else.  He is always speaking to me - but the problem is that I don't stop and listen often enough.  I put everything else as more important, more urgent.  And sometimes I just don't want to listen because I know if I do, I have to let the Lord in to the deepest parts of my heart, and that can be pretty uncomfortable.

But the times when I let my guard down and I let that whisper flood my soul ---
              --I can suddenly get a true glimpse of who my Lord is...and it changes everything.  
                                       
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The above was a draft from 2 weeks ago... below are thoughts continued today...
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I was off today, high of 60 degrees (F), the sun has been shining gloriously, windows wide open and NOTHING on the schedule.  Thank you Jesus! is all that my heart was saying.  Mood has been good, cleaning my apartment finally!  When taking a break from cleaning I went to sit down in my favorite papisan chair - and I noticed the bottom layer of my coffee table.  Uggghh...so messy - so full of junk I just hide under there because I don't know what else to do with it.  So easily hidden away and unnoticed for so long.  And I felt in the quietness of the moment that the Lord was speaking to me of my heart.

All those moments that I brushed off that still small voice... at each time there was something that was left un-dealt with.  A little bitterness here.. a little loneliness there... a little exhaustion here... a little anger there... a little jealousy there... with a dash of worldly pleasure to try to numb it all.  And it all piles up in the corners of my heart likened to the junk under my coffee table.  What am I supposed to do with 50 blank CDs anyways? Can't throw them away--- but who uses CDs anymore?  And in my heart that's how I feel too- sure I want it to be pure and clean and free of clutter, but I can't quite figure out how to get rid of that bitterness I thought I left so long ago.  God, I thought you freed me from this stuff!? Why am I still finding this junk is still here?!   ...but in my heart there are bits and pieces of an old idol that have been left behind, and something in my soul that still remembers the fragrant smells of Egypt - and lusts after it.  Oh... how I need the Lord.

I am so thankful to the Lord, that in all the craziness of our lives, He is constantly working to reveal His love to us.  Thank the Lord that He can break through our darkness with His glorious light - show us all our junk that has piled up over time...allow us to see it for enough time for it to make us hurt and see our need for Him... and then immediately show us the cleansing power of His precious blood.  Do we know just how wonderful our Savior is?  I don't think any of us really knows in the depth that He would like us too... but may the eyes of our hearts be opened to see just how great a salvation this is, and how deep He has meant to save us.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. -1 John 1:5-10

Thank the Lord that He is willing to forgive our sins and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness and that He is able to save us to the uttermost!  May we be willing to let His still small voice penetrate our thoughts and the many voices and noises we hear every day and may we let Him have His way in us.  This is the only way to know true healing and freedom and peace and joy.  This is our God, He sure does know how to love, oh, may He help us learn to receive His love.  He not only exposes, but He cleanses and redeems, and encourages and strengthens.  If we can learn to trust Him, we find that He has always been the one who is the most trustworthy.

May this be our prayer:

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! -Psalm 139:23-24 

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But it all comes back to paying attention to the whisper...

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" -Psalm 46:10

...The more we listen and receive and obey His still small voice... the more we find that our soul can enter and remain in the stillness of the Lord. And in entering this stillness, our hearts naturally learn to exalt Him.  Maybe we had trouble truly exalting Him before- but through His tender whisper we were led to repentance and were able to receive cleansing and our heart was freed to worship Him.  

We so need God's grace, for we are so blind and deaf!  May the cry of our hearts be that we would learn to listen - so that He may have the rightful place in our hearts and receive all of our worship.  For He alone is worthy.  Worthy not only to receive the worship from our lips but worthy to receive all of you and me, the worship of our lives.  

"Speak, [Lord,] for your servant is listening" -1 Samuel 3:10